Wrapping It Up
With this deployment about to be wrapped up, everyone keeps asking me if I am happy and excited.
I am. I really am. But I'm finding that I am very stressed and a little depressed too.
What most people don't know is that the reunion with your spouse can be one of the most difficult parts of a deployment. I know it sounds counterintuitive, but it does really make sense.
For one thing, it can be hard to get used to having someone else around all the time. Yes, I miss my husband tremendously. But life has gone on and I got used to doing things on my own.
Sometimes a returning husband can feel like they don't fit in and aren't really needed anymore. My own man has jokingly stated that I only need him for his paycheck.
And I think, worst of all, because we all set such high expectations for blissful reunion, we can feel let down if things aren't perfect. It's similar to post-holiday blues.
But my husband and I have been through the reunion stage three times before. We've learned how we need to communicate, and with a good understanding of what to expect, I think we'll get through it okay.
It's the kids I'm worried about.
They have grown so much since June. They have each had a birthday and are halfway through a grade that my husband hasn't been here for. My son has gotten used to being the only "man" around. And my daughter is suddenly having a very difficult time with being separated from Daddy.
She was absolutely beside herself last night. It started with her yelling out of nowhere that her life has been ruined.
She may have a small flair for the dramatic.
When I tried talking to her, she went on and on about how it's unfair that Daddy has to go away for no reason. I spent a lot of time trying to explain how that just wasn't the case. She is not inclined to believe me. I think she is a little affected by some post-holiday, daddy-missing blues. Now that the presents are all opened and played with, she wants him home now!
As for me, well, I feel disappointed in myself again. Every time my husband deploys I try to see it as an opportunity to focus on myself and reach some of the goals I've been putting off.
But here it is, more than six months gone by and I haven't done a single one of the things I had wanted to do. I didn't lose weight. I gained it. I didn't write a book. I got writer's block. I didn't start running. I feel farther away from becoming a runner than I ever have before.
I've learned a lot though. Mostly I've learned that I need to adjust my expectations. I can't put my life on hold just because my husband has deployed. But I have to accept that just getting the kids through each day is an accomplishment. A triumph, even.
And I've learned that dealing with a deployment with school-aged kids is a whole different beast than when the kids were younger. I really thought it would be easier. I was so wrong.
I am very happy. It may sound like I'm looking a gift horse in the mouth but I'm mostly just trying to prepare myself. This next week, though...
It's going to be a long one.
I am. I really am. But I'm finding that I am very stressed and a little depressed too.
What most people don't know is that the reunion with your spouse can be one of the most difficult parts of a deployment. I know it sounds counterintuitive, but it does really make sense.
For one thing, it can be hard to get used to having someone else around all the time. Yes, I miss my husband tremendously. But life has gone on and I got used to doing things on my own.
Sometimes a returning husband can feel like they don't fit in and aren't really needed anymore. My own man has jokingly stated that I only need him for his paycheck.
And I think, worst of all, because we all set such high expectations for blissful reunion, we can feel let down if things aren't perfect. It's similar to post-holiday blues.
But my husband and I have been through the reunion stage three times before. We've learned how we need to communicate, and with a good understanding of what to expect, I think we'll get through it okay.
It's the kids I'm worried about.
They have grown so much since June. They have each had a birthday and are halfway through a grade that my husband hasn't been here for. My son has gotten used to being the only "man" around. And my daughter is suddenly having a very difficult time with being separated from Daddy.
She was absolutely beside herself last night. It started with her yelling out of nowhere that her life has been ruined.
She may have a small flair for the dramatic.
When I tried talking to her, she went on and on about how it's unfair that Daddy has to go away for no reason. I spent a lot of time trying to explain how that just wasn't the case. She is not inclined to believe me. I think she is a little affected by some post-holiday, daddy-missing blues. Now that the presents are all opened and played with, she wants him home now!
As for me, well, I feel disappointed in myself again. Every time my husband deploys I try to see it as an opportunity to focus on myself and reach some of the goals I've been putting off.
But here it is, more than six months gone by and I haven't done a single one of the things I had wanted to do. I didn't lose weight. I gained it. I didn't write a book. I got writer's block. I didn't start running. I feel farther away from becoming a runner than I ever have before.
I've learned a lot though. Mostly I've learned that I need to adjust my expectations. I can't put my life on hold just because my husband has deployed. But I have to accept that just getting the kids through each day is an accomplishment. A triumph, even.
And I've learned that dealing with a deployment with school-aged kids is a whole different beast than when the kids were younger. I really thought it would be easier. I was so wrong.
I am very happy. It may sound like I'm looking a gift horse in the mouth but I'm mostly just trying to prepare myself. This next week, though...
It's going to be a long one.
Labels: challenges, deployment, family, husband, kids, life at home, military, waiting, wife
posted by Major Mom at 9:55 AM
Karen is a military wife and stay-at-home mother to a seven-year-old daughter and a five-year-old son. A Boston native who’s lived in the Shreveport-Bossier area for eight years, she spends most of her time volunteering at her kids’ school, supporting her husband, playing with her friends and watching her hair turn gray. In between, she writes about her life here on her blog.
1 Comments:
Karen,
What you're feeling is normal. When my husband returned from Iraq, it was very odd. It was kind of like I was going on a first date with this person and he was getting to move in with me. Although he wouldn't admit it, he went through some depression. I was told to expect that. I think he felt a little out of place. It was very hard getting used to having him around again. I also got used to doing everything on my own. Now, I had someone to answer to. Make sense?
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