The Family We Make
Right now there is a discussion going in the Babies and Toddlers forums about how hard it is for military folks like us to be away from our families.
Click HERE to read what other moms have to say.
One mom says, "It makes me a little sad that our family isn't seeing my daughter grow up. Has anyone experienced this, and what have you done about it?"
I have realized that my response is quite different than one might expect.
You see, we have lost touch with a lot of our family in the thirteen years that my husband has been in the military. Sure we try to keep in touch through phone calls, e-mails and visits, but eventually, only those are who are most committed to continuing a relationship really last.
For example, my kids are very close to my parents despite the couple of thousand miles between us. But my parents put in a lot of effort to make sure that is true.
It's a little sad that my kids aren't especially close with my brother. It's a little sad that they don't have the kind of large family holiday gatherings that I had when I was a kid.
But that is just not their reality.
In the complete absence of any local family members, we have made our own family. And I am really okay with that.
The thing about embracing a family of choice when your family of origin isn't around is that you get to choose who you let into your circle. We chose a school with an amazing family-centered atmosphere for just that reason. We have cultivated close relationships with fellow military families who share our values.
I don't think my kids will ever feel a dearth of love. I don't think it matters if they are related by blood to the people who most touch their lives.
Living here on the bayou for nine years has meant that visits from family other than my parents have been few and far between. It's not Orlando or Las Vegas. Nobody is rushing over for a visit.
But it has meant that we have had the time to develop some amazing friendships. Life is so fluid. People flow in and out of our lives for so many reasons.
Instead of focusing on the loss of people we have left behind, I focus on the people we have right now. We may even have different people in our lives tomorrow. But I am thankful for every single person who has touched our lives.
Click HERE to read what other moms have to say.
One mom says, "It makes me a little sad that our family isn't seeing my daughter grow up. Has anyone experienced this, and what have you done about it?"
I have realized that my response is quite different than one might expect.
You see, we have lost touch with a lot of our family in the thirteen years that my husband has been in the military. Sure we try to keep in touch through phone calls, e-mails and visits, but eventually, only those are who are most committed to continuing a relationship really last.
For example, my kids are very close to my parents despite the couple of thousand miles between us. But my parents put in a lot of effort to make sure that is true.
It's a little sad that my kids aren't especially close with my brother. It's a little sad that they don't have the kind of large family holiday gatherings that I had when I was a kid.
But that is just not their reality.
In the complete absence of any local family members, we have made our own family. And I am really okay with that.
The thing about embracing a family of choice when your family of origin isn't around is that you get to choose who you let into your circle. We chose a school with an amazing family-centered atmosphere for just that reason. We have cultivated close relationships with fellow military families who share our values.
I don't think my kids will ever feel a dearth of love. I don't think it matters if they are related by blood to the people who most touch their lives.
Living here on the bayou for nine years has meant that visits from family other than my parents have been few and far between. It's not Orlando or Las Vegas. Nobody is rushing over for a visit.
But it has meant that we have had the time to develop some amazing friendships. Life is so fluid. People flow in and out of our lives for so many reasons.
Instead of focusing on the loss of people we have left behind, I focus on the people we have right now. We may even have different people in our lives tomorrow. But I am thankful for every single person who has touched our lives.
Labels: "my childhood", family, friends, get to know me, holidays, kids, military, parenting, philosophy
posted by Major Mom at 8:43 AM
Karen is a military wife and stay-at-home mother to a seven-year-old daughter and a five-year-old son. A Boston native who’s lived in the Shreveport-Bossier area for eight years, she spends most of her time volunteering at her kids’ school, supporting her husband, playing with her friends and watching her hair turn gray. In between, she writes about her life here on her blog.
2 Comments:
Thanks for sharing this Karen. I really need it right now as I sit here in TLF waiting to PCS with my family in the next couple of days. It's SO hard saying goodbye and I know you know what I mean all too well. I was just telling my hubby tonight...it's a totally different relationship once you move away from family. And that our friends become our 'chosen' family just like you said. I'm SO excited to move and be close to our 'blood' family again, but it's still hard saying goodbye to the one I have here.
It's always hard. But I think it can be even harder to be left behind.
Don't you HATE TLF?
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