Parental Coercion Techniques

My son has developed a new coping mechanism since my husband has been away. Whenever things don't go exactly as he wants them to, he cries. He's not a very good actor so I have come to call this crying phenomenon his "fake cry".

As annoying as it is, and as much as I want to be angry at him, I have to give him some credit. It really is a clever approach. You see, while he is "fake crying" he can't hear a thing that I say. So he can claim not to be disobedient because he can't hear my instructions. I can scream, "Go to your room!" as much as I want and he just shakes his head, mimes an I can't hear you, woman, and goes about his crying.

It's genius, really.

I wish I could employ such a strategy. What if we all did?

The next time somebody takes my parking space I'm just going to pull in behind them, roll down my window, and wail. The next time a waiter ignores me, I'm going to throw my silverware down on the table and bawl. I might even throw myself on the floor if I'm in the mood.

This is why life was so much easier when we were five-years-old. We weren't afraid to embarrass ourselves for a cause like more cookies or more playtime. No parental coercion tactic was too shameful.

Of course, at five we also had an adult who had complete authority over our lives. We called her mom.

This mom has put her foot down. Fake cries will be ignored, and then punished. A few days without his Thomas trains should prove that as genius as he is, mom is smarter. And more well-connected.