In My Husband's World

Today I drove down from my parent's suburban home to our own house on Cape Cod. Since the house has been empty for over a year, I'm here to clean and de-spider the place. My parents will bring the kids down in a couple of days.

We are so fortunate to have this house but it was sad circumstances that brought it our way. We ended up being the caretakers of my husband's grandmother's summer home when she was killed in a car accident a few years ago.

My husband spent all of his happiest childhood times here. When school got out each year, he would take his bike and hop on a bus to stay with his grandmother all summer. They were close.

I can't come here and not feel completely surrounded in my husband's world. Sadly, we've never been able to spend much time here together. He's had TDYs or he's started new jobs. Deployments have gotten in the way. This year, we had intended to finally take a real family vacation here. I was so excited.

But then the Army called.

I should be cleaning right now, but I must admit that I'm wallowing just a little bit. At home I am comforted by my husband's things all around. Here I feel almost like he's a ghost. I see who he was as a child and a teenager. But the man he is today is missing.

I finally have the time alone to stop and think and I'm starting to miss him so much.