Family's Family

A couple of years ago, I made the conscience decision to try and make new friends. And, man, has the effort paid off!

Making new friends as an adult is hard. You have to put yourself out there and talk to new people. You have to ferret out the ones you might have some kind of connection with. You have to arrange meet ups and exchange life stories.

Doesn't that sound an awful lot like dating?

I have been making that assertion for years. Making new friends as an adult is just like dating.

For someone like me, I think it is especially hard.

For one thing, I’m sort of shy.

What? I am. I swear.

It’s funny, because some people who know me would scoff at that statement and others would think it was absolutely true. In truth, if someone shows any interest in getting to know me at all, I’m a loud-mouthed, open book. But the other person has to make the first move. If it were completely up to me, I’d live in a safe, warm cocoon with just my husband and my kids.

And for another thing, I do live in a cocoon. I call it Barksdale Air Force Base.

As a military wife it is easy to fall into the habit of only cultivating friendships with other military wives. They instantly understand your life and your challenges. We even have our own language. Once you have kids, it’s even easier to fall into that military-only circle. Until my daughter went to school, my only friends were the other military stay-at-home moms who lived in my neighborhood.

Now, don’t get me wrong. Those women were wonderful. They offered tremendous support and understanding when I needed it most.

But I’m complex.

Since I was old enough to choose my own friends, I've always managed an eclectic mix. Being surrounded by lots of different people helps me thrive. And it’s just more fun.

What’s not fun is breaking the news to all these friends that my husband will be deploying. I can see in their eyes (or read in their e-mails or hear in their voices) that they feel bad for me. Their reactions have been such a great mix of appreciation, understanding, and…well…love.

Maybe I’m just lucky, but when times get tough, my true friends seem to come out of the woodwork. When you’re so far from “home” you have to make family of your own. My friends are my family, and my family’s family.

And I love them.